“Do you believe in God?”
My mom asked me this question when I was the most distant from her (and God). “Of course, I don’t believe in God,” was my answer.
And I can live just fine without Him, thank you very much. And look at me. I’m doing it. I’m working, feeding myself and living in the big city. I’m filling my empty heart with lots of great stuff – Harvey Wallbangers, new shoes, shiny jewelry, fancy wine glasses and trips to exotic places where, guess what, I can drink more alcohol. But now with the little umbrellas perched. It seems all so sophisticated when there is an umbrella perched.
Then, I’m a married woman. In chaos. In destruction. Nothing feels right or good or loving. Dreams rise up in me at night – huge monstrous things clawing outwards and screaming for escape. Endless nightmares of turmoil, dark, yelling chaos tormenting me. Is this normal? I don’t want to go to sleep. I’m afraid of these dreams.
Next, I am living in a basement, dark cement walls, spider-webbed ceilings, cluttered with junk. I hate this place. This is where I end up after a divorce with no place to go. In this place, I am the most alone I have ever been. Can I save myself from all this mess? They taught me to rely upon myself, to be independent and strong, to walk it off and stop that crying already. So, it’s in times like this when I am at my lowest and relying completely upon myself, as any super-woman would, I’m actually the walking dead.
Through all this madness God doesn’t even enter my mind. Not even once. In all this trying to fill the relentless hunger in my gaping empty black hole of a heart – not once did I think of God.
Yet, He was thinking of me.
Mysteriously, I was led into a place I didn’t want to go – a church! I’d sworn off church since childhood. Why was I being led there?
When the music started to play in that church, I began to sing the worship songs along with everyone else. A sense of peace flowed into me. It felt like I had been singing those songs all my life. I knew then, that somehow, mysteriously, I had made it back home.
When I ask you today, “Do you believe in God?” I ask you from a place of deep desire that you will get to know Him way sooner than I did.
I wondered around in the wilderness for 40 years. That’s way too long! Too many wasted years of living. I was never ever meant to live a small life. God didn’t create me after His own image so I would live a small pathetic life. No!
And it’s the same for you. God created you in His own image so you could live an incredible, love-filled and adventuresome life.